Thinking About Thinking

If A Board Meeting Was Like The State Of The Union

Posted in Venture Capital by larrycheng on January 28, 2010

The CEO would make his way to the board room through a processional in the company’s hallways, flanked by clapping employees, shaking hands and giving thumbs up to the staff along the way.

The meeting would start with the CFO announcing the entrance of the CEO, and all board members standing and applauding.

The CEO would stand at the head of the table, with the CFO and CTO sitting in oversized chairs on a raised platform behind him.

All powerpoint slides and the projector would be replaced with a teleprompter.

When the CEO talked about cutting spending, lowering the burn and a hiring freeze, investors on both sides of the table would stand up and applause.

When the CEO talked about changing the healthcare plan to cover all employees and shareholders, the investors on the left side of the table would stand up and applaud while the other investors sit stoicly.

Thereafter, the CEO would have to remind all investors that their job is to represent the shareholders, not their own partisan interests.

Rather than talking during the meeting, the CTO and CFO would convey their opinion by smirking, giggling, and giving standing ovations as the CEO spoke.

Meanwhile, outside legal counsel, sitting in the first row facing the CEO, would never applaud and would be generally expressionless throughout.

At the appropriate time, the CEO would give a carefully calculated shout out to his wife who is sitting at the outer edge of the board room next to some carefully selected key partners and customers.  She waves at the mention of her name.

The CEO closes the meeting by saying God Bless this company.

7 Responses

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  1. Web Design Guy said, on January 29, 2010 at 4:16 am

    That’s great. Make another post from the opposite point of view. If the state of the union was like a board meeting.

    • larrycheng said, on January 29, 2010 at 11:27 pm

      That would be far too reasonable to be interesting don’t you think?

  2. Satts said, on January 29, 2010 at 10:08 am

    Interesting Write up :-). waiting for another post in the Fashion mentioned above

  3. Russ said, on January 29, 2010 at 4:39 pm

    Classic.

  4. Desmond Pieri said, on February 1, 2010 at 10:10 am

    Great fun. Thanks for taking the time to think this up.

  5. [...] Thinking About Thinking suggests that if board meetings looked like a state of the union, the agenda would play itself out like this: “The CEO would make his way to the board room through a processional in the company’s hallways, flanked by clapping employees, shaking hands and giving thumbs up to the staff along the way. [...]


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